September 25th, 2005

Subject: What do you get when you put a bunch of hungry shakespeare nerds together in one room? Time: 08:09 pm

LOVE SONNET TO CHEESE Her nose protruding from the snowy lace; A nervous growl my belly doth emit; It's not her witch's eyes or horse-like face, Yet to her hand this ring I don't commit. It's just she claims my cheese doth make her fat, And throws it out with cruel and evil screams; How can I with this cheese-abusing bat, Live out the married life I hold in dreams? She cannot see how cheese surpasses her, How soft to touch is cheese and not her skin: Cheese, oh the perfume of your cheddar fur, If I must choose between them, cheese would win. I'd rather live without her, but with cheese, Lest she be cured of this abhorred disease! delicious, isn't it? :) ~nina

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September 22nd, 2005

Subject: A forward Time: 01:30 pm

(LH's post) This is one of very few forwards/chain letters I have received... A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected: * half-gallon of 2% milk, * carton of eggs, * quart of orange juice, * head of romaine lettuce, * 2 lb. can of coffee, * 1 lb. package of bacon. As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single." The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status. Curiosity getting the better of her, she said "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?" The drunk replied, "Cause you're ugly."

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September 21st, 2005

Time: 08:48 pm

k guys. here are some silly pick-up lines I got from a friend (note: these lines weren't directed towards anyone). the last one's my favorite "im a love pirate, and i'm here to take your booty" "baby if u were words on a page ud b FINE PRINT" "f i could rearrange the alphabet i'd put U and I together" "I was so enchanted by your beauty that I ran into that wall over there. So I am going to need your name and number for insurance purposes."

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September 20th, 2005

Time: 09:56 pm

Here's a really cheesy, but SUPER funny joke that I got from JoJo. I took a while to get (as you can see from the conversation): JoJO: Hey, here's a funny joke to get your mind off things JOJO: What kind of bee makes milk? me: a cow? me: ooooo me: a milk bee!!! jojo: What?? jojo: Haha, no jojo: it's hilarious jojo: you wanna know the answer? me: sure jojo: A me: what's the answer??? jojo: booby!! jojo: hahahahahhahahaha me: hahaha me: i don't get it jojo: Isn't that funny?!?!!!?! jojo: OH MY GOD jojo: boobs make milk me: duh!!!!!!!! me: how is that a bee? jojo: a booby jojo: beeeee jojo: booobeeee jojo: hahahaahhahaha me: OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH me: hahahahahahaha jojo: OH MY GOD me: i love that! jojo: you are SO LAME me: omg me: i am so laughing out loud me: seriously me: that is soooo funny jojo: THANKS! jojo: I thought so too

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September 15th, 2005

Subject: Lack of sleep and the English language Time: 10:06 pm

My grasp of the English language tends to suffer when I am deprived of sleep...Example A: Casey: i just checked the amt [www.amtsj.org] page Me: and? Casey: 'on the record' has been removed Me: sweet jeus Me: *jejus Casey: lol Me: crap! Me: I CAN'T SPELL IT Casey: u can do it! Casey: cmon, lauren! Me: jeusus Casey: LOL Me: NO Me: ARGH Me: I CAN'T DO IT Casey: *dies laughing* Me: OKAY Me: HERE WE GO Me: J Me: E Me: S Me: U Me: S Me: ! Me: there Casey: YEAH Me: i finally did it Me: god Casey: lolol Me: cripes Casey: yes, just stick w/ god from now on. u cant handle the jesuses Me: not the jesi? Me: hahaha Me: criminey Me: i cannot Me: believe that it took me so long to spell that! Casey: lol Casey: my brother just came in to ask if i was okay- he thot i was crying Casey: lol Me: HAHAHAHA Me: really? Me: oh god--that's so finally Casey: ? Me: ! Casey: thats so finally? Me: I MEAN FUNNY Casey: ROFL Me: ROFL Me: ::SILENT LAUGHTER AND SPASMS:: Me: WOW Me: i'm so ready for the SAT Casey: ow Casey: my diaphragm hurts Casey: Me: wow Me: i'm a spaz tonight Casey: yep yep yep Me: just none of the english language for me tonight Me: ::wipes tear from eye:: --LH

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Subject: funny! Time: 09:20 pm

All right dudes, it is time to release some of my funnier links. Be warned! If you have sensibilities, do NOT click on these links. http://www.tuckermax.com - these are the bitter ravings of a rich drunk. http://maddox.xmission.com - the bitter ravings of a cynic http://eul0000562.eu.verio.net/boreme/funny-2005/vw-suicide-bomber.php - VERY un-pc. http://gprime.net/video.php/tornmime - this one's safe (those of you in dr woods class last year, you will recognize this) Enjoy! - hammersley

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Subject: testing testing 123 Time: 01:08 am

testing testing 123

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September 12th, 2005

Subject: Japanese Hilarity Time: 10:57 pm

Translated for those of you not fluent in Japanese. Ms. Irino: Now class, each one of you say what time you woke up this morning, and at the end, we will make a sentence to state who woke up the earliest. Grace: 6:30AM. Sinead: 7:00AM Yoshi: Um, yesterday... Grace: He wins. Now maybe it's BECAUSE I haven't slept for two days, but I found that endlessly hilarious. Also, did anyone else notice at School Meeting, we raised about $3,000 in about 40 seconds?

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September 11th, 2005

Time: 09:23 pm

Weird that my preist told this today in church, but it's still pretty funny: A bully starts beating the crap out of a small man. He starts by kicking him across the face. He says: "That's Judo. Picked it up in Japan." As soon as the small man gets up, the bully strikes him across the neck and says: "That's Karate. Picked it up in Korea." While the bully is gloating, the small man gets up, gets into his truck, and drives off. The bully is furious for letting him get away, but to his suprise, the small man drives back 10 minutes later. He gets out of the car, goes over to the bully, and smacks him across the face. The small man smiles and says "That's crowbar. Picked it up in Sears." -Joe P.S. The Cat Story: My dad was up in the attic today, and just as he closed the attic door,my cat jumped, trying to get inside. This was quiet hilarious, seeing as I was downstairs when it happened and only heard the *jing a ling a ling!*of her bell and then a WHUMP! *ja ling a ling* She was a little dazed, but I think that she too thought it to be a little funny.

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Subject: Hola! + Backstroke of West + Previous Stuff - By Andy Time: 01:55 pm

Translations of Translations gone horribly, horribly wrong.... http://www.winterson.com.nyud.net:8090/2005/06/episode-iii-backstroke-of-west.html Oh and I'll also put all the previous jokes from the email. -------------------------------------------------- -------------------------------------------------- Mr Draper, Sept 10: -------- Why did the boy eat his homework? Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake. Ba dum bum. -------------------------------------------------- -------------------------------------------------- Robert, Sept 10: -------- My girlfriend called me and told me to come over because nobody was home, I went over. Nobody was home. -------------------------------------------------- -------------------------------------------------- Steve, Sept 10: -------- "I am not a vegeratian because I love animals. I am a vegetarian because I hate plants." - A. Whitney Brown -------------------------------------------------- -------------------------------------------------- Nina, Sept 10: -------- Watch this whole thing guys... http://www.stupidvideos.com/?VideoID=875 and also, check out overheard in new york... http://www.overheardinnewyork.com -------------------------------------------------- -------------------------------------------------- Joe, Sept 11: -------- I found this at 2 A.M. last night, and I'm putting it on the front page of my journal: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20050909/ap_on_fe_st/malaysia_monkey;_ylt=AvLa4T3 _Ddlwcv1q5MZgCDztiBIF;_ylu=X3oDMTBiMW04NW9mBHNlYwMlJVRPUCUl My dad was up in the attic today, and just as he closed the attic door, my cat jumped, trying to get inside. This was quiet hilarious, seeing as I was downstairs when it happened and only heard the *jing a ling a ling!* of her bell and then a WHUMP! *ja ling a ling* She was a little dazed, but I think that she too thought it to be a little funny. -------------------------------------------------- -------------------------------------------------- Steve, Sept 11: -------- My. Hero. http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/stfu.php -------------------------------------------------- -------------------------------------------------- Nina, Sept 11: -------- You guys are going to KILL me, but... http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/llama.php Enjoy. -------------------------------------------------- -------------------------------------------------- Vijay, Sept 11: -------- Okay, this next one im digging up from a year ago, but its still funny. This is the "kids section" for a creationist organization...read the comics, my favorite is the one on Habu the Hindu elephant..... http://objectiveministries.org/kidz/ -------------------------------------------------- -------------------------------------------------- ok. I'm not sure I'm doing this right. But here's a funny story: The other day I was at a Mexican restaurant that has the spicy sauces in the little plastic packages you find ketchup in at McDonalds. Well, one package accidentally dropped off my tray on my way to find a table to sit at. After I set down my tray at a table, I went back to pick up the sauce package and this is what I saw: another customer stepping on the edge of the plastic package, and the red hot sauce squirting on the inner part of the poor lady's pants. and, even better, they were WHITE pants! I did feel really bad, but it was still really funny. - Jules P.S. everyone go see "40 year old virgin" --- it's sooooo funny. P.S.S. I saw it with my dad, but maybe it's a better idea not to go with parents.

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